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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Pile on the Miles

pile on the miles 2012

One of my favorite blogs is Run Eat Repeat.  She has started a pile on the miles running challenge for the month of November.  If you want to up your running miles so you don't up the pounds during the month of November,  I suggest you go to her site and sign up in her Google Doc.  I put my goals at 50 miles for the month.  Since I am training for the New Orleans Marathon I should be upping my miles anyway.  This will be good for me and maybe keep me focused!!  Happy Running!!

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Can I handle the Seasons of My Life?

Another blog that I read prompted me to really think about my life.  I like to read Rachel Held Evan's blog.  She is  a Christian, and I like her perspective on life.  Her most recent blog post was called Living In Each Season.

Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.” - Henry David Thoreau
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.”
- Ecclesiastes 3:1

It is funny- A few Christmases ago.  I used the Ecclesiastes verse as our Christmas verse.  We had had such a wonderful year- a time of dancing and laughing, and I wanted to stress to my children that we needed to rejoice in that time and be thankful for it.  I reminded them that probably sooner than later it would be a time to cry because isn't that just how life is.  Little did I know that the tears would be for my husband, their father.  

As fall approaches, I have told several friends that I really, really dread the first cold day.  I don't know why, but I know it will just be a sad day for me.  But as I talked about it with a friend the other day, I told her, that I am going to face that first cold day and plod through it.  I will face it with the same faith and hope that I have faced all these other days.  

I know that  someday my days will not be consumed in a feeling of nothingness.  The void I feel in my life will one day be filled with happiness. I can feel the beginnings of it this week.  The numbness seems to be subsiding a bit.  It is nice to be excited about planning things with my kids.  A friend had me and some other women over to her house for wine last night.  It is something we have done numerous times in the past.  The "normalnes"s of the evening felt really good.

I am often reminded of the Stevie Nicks' song "Landslide."  I thought of it a lot just because of the stage of life I am in, but with everything that has happened, I think of it even more...

Oh mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well I’ve been afraid of changing ‘cause I 
Built my life around you.
But time makes you bolder
Children get older and I’m getting older too   

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Unbelievable Loss

In April of this year, my husband passed away very unexpectedly.  I was devastated.  I have not blogged about it although I have written plenty about it in a journal.  I have so much to say about it, but some things are felt so personally that it is hard to post.

I read one of my favorite blogs today and decided to break my silence and post something.  The blog that I love to read is Peas and Thank You    

She talked today about loving to have "God Sightings."  I recently had a God Sighting in the form of a card from a dear friend.  This friend used to go to my church, and I have so much respect for her!!  She is living in Colorado now and has sent me a couple of cards of encouragement in the past few months.  In this particular card, she said something that meant so much to me... and I truly believe that God speaks to us through others.  That is what happened with this dear friend.  She was my communication with God for this brief encounter.

She got me up to date on her summer and then said..."It is an interesting thought how God moves the puzzle pieces around to facilitate our survival in this world."  I am clinging to the belief that it is God who is moving those puzzle pieces of my life around at this moment to help me survive this devastating, unbelievable loss that I have endured.

Have you recently had a God Sighting?  I hope you are looking for them.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

My 9/11

As I watch the CBS special of 9/11, after spending the past week and weekend watching reports, I am reminded of my experience on 9/11.  It was a beautiful day in South Texas too.  It was my first year of being a librarian at my school.  I went in the office to talk to our secretary, and she told me that a small plane had flown into the World Trade Center in NYC.  I immediately called my husband.  He has worked in the aircraft industry since the late 1980's.  He designs small jets so I thought he might know something more.  He hadn't heard anything, and we agreed to talk later.  I  had a couple of meetings, and when ig to back to my office, it was clear that our country was under attack. 
     I called my dad.  I asked him how he was- he told me he was at his desk praying.  I will never forget that conversation with my dad.  That one moment  is a perfect picture of my dad's life and the example he has been to me.  He has always been such a strong Christian man.  I tried to call my husband again, but all the phone lines were busy.  Randy and I were able to email each other.  We just told each other that we loved each other and that we would see each other later that day.
     Throughout the day, people I worked with stopped by my office to watch the news coverage on the TV that stayed on all day in my office.  I think that even though we lived thousands of mile away, we all became New Yorkers that day.  It felt so personal- even though we weren't there.  Later that day my son and daughter came to my campus.  I tried to explain the unexplainable to them.  They too watched the TV in disbelief.  Their lives were effected in ways they will never really know.
     The following night on Wednesday, I taught a class at my church.  A friend and I had just started running.  We would always run after our Wednesday night church sessions.  We met that night to run.  We talked and prayed together which was of great comfort to me.  I was afraid of what was to come next.  But, I also had a peace as I ran in the darkness on that September night.  I looked up at the stars and remembered that no matter what, God is still on his throne. I will never forget that run and the feeling of anxiety along with that peace that passes all understanding.
     A few years later, my parents took all of our family to NYC for Christmas.  We boarded the plane and noticed Arab men on our flight.  I, ignorantly, was apprehensive.  After a few minutes a man with a turban looked at us and said with a big smile, "Randy!!"  He was someone that Randy knew from  his work.  I was so relieved and right then realized that I can't judge people.  And it has made me very sensitive to how Muslim Americans must feel.
     Many years ago, we were visiting my grandmother in the nursing home in Oklahoma City.  My father took me and my children to the memorial there.  It is a very beautiful tribute to the horror that happened there in the 1990's.  I am ofter reminded of the saying at the reflecting pool at the memorial. "Look and see someone changed forever by what happened here."  Of course, when you look in the pool, you see your own reflection.  It is very powerful.    That is how I feel about 9/11, we were all changed forever by what happened there.  I have several things that are on my bucket list of things I want to do the next time I'm in NYC.  I love to go there.  The 9/11 memorial is something that I really want to see.  I know when I look in the pools/ fountains there and read those names- I will again be changed forever.
     My heart still breaks for the families that lost so much on that day.  Why do I ever complain?  I was fortunate to have both of my children home from college this weekend.  I am so thankful for that.  It was nice to all be together on such a sad day.
     I hope that no matter what I face in my future- I have that feeling that I had that September night 10 years ago.  No matter what, God is still on his throne.  He is with me and will not forsake me.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Poppie Must Have Peed On My Couch

Have you ever seen the Seinfeld episode where Poppie pees on Jerry's couch?  Well if you are a Seinfeld fanatic like everyone in my family know this episode well.

This is a picture of the couch in my library.  I found a big wet stain on it today.  Did Poppie visit my library without me noticing?

Anyway, it made me laugh.  This is just a typical day of working with Jr. Hi. students.  I guess it is better to laugh than to cry!!!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

No clothes buying

I cleaned out my closet this summer and promise myself that I would not buy any new clothes for one year.  That is a huge deal for me!!!  I love clothes.  There are several reasons why I decided to do this.
1.  I have too many clothes.  I don't need more clothes.  How many pairs of black pants can one girl have??
2.  I have lost some weight-- I am trying to lose more.  I don't need to buy anything until I'm down to my goal wight.  Plus, my daughter has also lost some weight and is giving me her old clothes.
3.  I want to simplify my life.  I don't want my possessions to drag me down- which is what has been happening.
4.  I have a wonderful trip I want to take next summer and I want to be able to shop there so I am saving my money for the trip---if I get to go.
5.  I just flat out want to see if I can do it.  I am working on self discipline--I hope I can do it.

So I haven't  bought a thing since Memorial Day weekend- well except for a pair of sandals on sale at Neimans that no one in their right mind would have turned down!

But now it is fall and I find myself in a hard spot.  All of the fall fashions are so wonderful!!!  I love the above dress from Anthroplogie.  Also- Ann Taylor Loft sent me an email about their latest sale.  They have an adorable red sweater that I would love to have!!!

I hope I stay strong and don't give in to these temptations.  I really want to keep this up.  I'm gong on 3 months--- I can do this for 9 more.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

New commitments

  My daughter took this picture of me and my friends on our "last hurray" pool day.  I wish i could have one more day to just hang out with my daughter and friends.  But, it is like I told a friend tonight- With all of the challenges facing all of us in education, we need to make sure that our personal lives are as fulfilling as they can be.  I need to get back to my running, enjoying my time with my husband and friends.  Isn't that what life is really about?  I want and need to do the best job that I can at school, and in education it is so much more than a job.  But, I need to have a full life away from school- that is my commitment to myself this school year.   Life is too short to be tired and stress all the time!!!  Running/ exercise, eating out, reading, visiting family, being more spiritual-- these are the things I will concentrate on this year.
 On what do you hope to concentrate this fall in your personal life?