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Saturday, September 15, 2012

Can I handle the Seasons of My Life?

Another blog that I read prompted me to really think about my life.  I like to read Rachel Held Evan's blog.  She is  a Christian, and I like her perspective on life.  Her most recent blog post was called Living In Each Season.

Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.” - Henry David Thoreau
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.”
- Ecclesiastes 3:1

It is funny- A few Christmases ago.  I used the Ecclesiastes verse as our Christmas verse.  We had had such a wonderful year- a time of dancing and laughing, and I wanted to stress to my children that we needed to rejoice in that time and be thankful for it.  I reminded them that probably sooner than later it would be a time to cry because isn't that just how life is.  Little did I know that the tears would be for my husband, their father.  

As fall approaches, I have told several friends that I really, really dread the first cold day.  I don't know why, but I know it will just be a sad day for me.  But as I talked about it with a friend the other day, I told her, that I am going to face that first cold day and plod through it.  I will face it with the same faith and hope that I have faced all these other days.  

I know that  someday my days will not be consumed in a feeling of nothingness.  The void I feel in my life will one day be filled with happiness. I can feel the beginnings of it this week.  The numbness seems to be subsiding a bit.  It is nice to be excited about planning things with my kids.  A friend had me and some other women over to her house for wine last night.  It is something we have done numerous times in the past.  The "normalnes"s of the evening felt really good.

I am often reminded of the Stevie Nicks' song "Landslide."  I thought of it a lot just because of the stage of life I am in, but with everything that has happened, I think of it even more...

Oh mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well I’ve been afraid of changing ‘cause I 
Built my life around you.
But time makes you bolder
Children get older and I’m getting older too   

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Unbelievable Loss

In April of this year, my husband passed away very unexpectedly.  I was devastated.  I have not blogged about it although I have written plenty about it in a journal.  I have so much to say about it, but some things are felt so personally that it is hard to post.

I read one of my favorite blogs today and decided to break my silence and post something.  The blog that I love to read is Peas and Thank You    

She talked today about loving to have "God Sightings."  I recently had a God Sighting in the form of a card from a dear friend.  This friend used to go to my church, and I have so much respect for her!!  She is living in Colorado now and has sent me a couple of cards of encouragement in the past few months.  In this particular card, she said something that meant so much to me... and I truly believe that God speaks to us through others.  That is what happened with this dear friend.  She was my communication with God for this brief encounter.

She got me up to date on her summer and then said..."It is an interesting thought how God moves the puzzle pieces around to facilitate our survival in this world."  I am clinging to the belief that it is God who is moving those puzzle pieces of my life around at this moment to help me survive this devastating, unbelievable loss that I have endured.

Have you recently had a God Sighting?  I hope you are looking for them.